Empty

Once upon a time, not too many years ago actually, I was overcome by a nagging feeling of emptiness.  For the life of me I could not figure out why I felt so empty, so blah.  My life was great!  Married to my best friend,  two happy, healthy, awesome kids, working my dream job of keeper of the house.  So what was the problem?

Well, after giving it much thought, I decided that I needed to organize my kitchen.  After everything had a proper place, life would be so much easier.  No more digging around for stuff.  I could even start baking!  That's what my problem must be.  After several days of arranging, throwing away, donating, and rearranging I found myself with a properly organized kitchen including a baking zone.  But the empty feeling persisted.  No, an organized kitchen is not what I needed.

After giving it some more thought I figured out what was lacking.  Highlights!  Yes that's it!  If I get my hair highlighted, cover up some of the gray, I will feel much better about myself and the empty feeling will be gone.  Right?  Wrong.  $100 later I walked out of the salon with different hair and the same feelings.

What to do?  Soon after, I read the blog of a "tastemaker" that declared that colorful walls are out and white walls are in!  When I read that,  I knew without a doubt that my red dining room was the root of all my problems.  After months of my tireless husband removing wallpaper,  the walls were painted white and I waited for my transformation.  Nothing.  Still empty.

Another month of feeling apathetic passed by and I knew what I had to do.  I needed to buy a new purse.  Something high quality in a bright,  fun color.  Yep, that would make me very happy.  At first the purse did make me happy.  It was bright and  shiny and new.  I could carry a lot of stuff in it, plus it had a little pocket for my keys that I was always losing. But as the months wore on, it became a metaphor for myself.  Dull and imperfect on the outside and full of junk on the inside.  The purse wasn't the answer.

During this time, for one reason or another, our family ended up at church, where we had not been for a long time.  It was then that I found it!  I found what I was looking for!  It wasn't a place that I needed.  It wasn't an it.  It was a WHO!  It was Jesus!  A relationship with Jesus is what filled that empty spot in my soul.

I could have kept searching for things to fill that void and I would have never, ever found it.  No amount of shopping, cleaning, painting or makeovers can fill you up.   If you are feeling empty stop searching for IT, and search for WHO.    Jesus has great plans for you and feeling empty is not part of those plans.  Find Jesus and he will show you the path for your life! 

Not sure how to start a relationship with Jesus?  Go here.
       

Serving with a loving spirit

For a long time I have been a put upon mom.  You can always spot a put upon mom.  Shoulders slumped over, an audible deep sigh, rolling eyes, and phrases spewing out that sound like this, "oookkk ! I will get you a drink.  Again."  Yes shamefully that was me for a time and God convicted me of it.  Part of it is my phlegmatic nature colliding with the sheer mass of overwhelming stuff there is to do!  Being a mom is exhausting, thankless, never ending and some days it sucks the life right out of you.  It's only natural to feel put upon from time to time.  But I can't let from time to time turn into all the time.  Because being a mom is also a blessing.   It's a lesson from God on how to be more like God.  Mothering has taught me a lot about the Heavenly virtues of patience, grace, selflessness, and sacrifice.  No other experience in life has changed me so much.


Being a mom is a profound responsibility.  It is one of those revolutionary, world changing responsibilities, although in the midst of the day to day it doesn't seem like it.  Wiping noses and passing out snacks does not change the world.  But we moms are doing more than that.  As moms we are helping to shape little people that will grow into big people, good or bad.

I feel so inadequate to be so much to these two little ones.  Right now in their young lives, I am everything to them.  Their tiny worlds mostly revolve around me because I am their mom.  Their protector, their caretaker, their friend, their teacher, their maid.  Just kidding.  Sort of.  My words and actions can have a lasting impact, for better or worse.  Which makes it all the more important to create a loving sanctuary from the outside world and provide a patient lap to sit on and listening ears.  Because it won't always be like that.  If I do my job right, these two little ones will grow up and leave the nest.  My influence over them is short lived.

My new mission as a wife and mom is to not just serve my family, but to do it with a loving spirit.  I am going to watch the body language, the tone of my voice.  I am going to choose my words carefully.

Like I said, I feel inadequate for this great task.  And without the Lord I am inadequate.  My prayer is simply Lord help me be the mom you created me to be for these two precious gifts on loan to me from You.  Help me be the best mom I can.  This does not mean perfect.  Mistakes will be made.  A sigh will most likely escape.  I will be impatient.  But prayerfully over the course of time, there will be more laughter than tears.  There will be more I love you's than I'm sorry's.  There will be more loving care than inconvenienced care.  Because I never want my family to feel as if they are an inconvenience to me.  Just like I know that I am not an inconvenience to the Lord.  The Lord welcomes me with loving arms every time I come to Him.  I don't feel anger and impatience from Him.  I feel loved and wanted and peace.  So one day at a time, I will listen to them, love on them, and care for them with a new spirit.  A loving spirit.